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This is a story that I have been writing in my mind for a while, now I start with the ending. Typical of how I do things.



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Slowly I turned to walk away. The others would find us soon and I had to leave him, as proof. The pain seemed to fill my every movement, this was the fulfillment. Somehow I don’t think you understand. We had managed to bring both prophesies to be, yet in doing this we had given up that which made us like you.



He compromised his very moral fiber in the dream that everyone could one day walk without judgment or fear. That we could live in a healthy habitat which was not overrun by our own pollution. Elimination of so many of the barriers that the churches taught us to fear. By taking his life to the extreme he brought about this ultimate change. Will you ever look and see that? Can you bring yourself to see how much love there was as the root of his evil? Is there any solace for the contempt that he held only for who and what he was made to do. The longing that God left him with, to fulfill a destiny written about centuries ago. To be the one thought of as rooted in evil. Does the yin yang symbol now hold any truth for how he was made? For he did love, greater than anyone else I knew, it was the root of him. His way of showing it was just unique. From that love he had to destroy, it is the natural balance how our world here was created. From the fire will come great growth, the nutrients are so much richer after a purging burn.



I wonder often what he would say about these days after the altercation. Would he forgive my part in his demise as being needed, or would he condemn me as his greatest betrayer? Does he know that in what I did, I killed the last bit of hope I held? In essence now I am nothing, there is no more joy. I will only know once I am gone, the words he spoke that I could not hear and his eyes... his eyes still haunt my every movement. There is not one moment I do not sense him close, I hope this means my time is soon to follow.



I am heading to the desert or woods. Perhaps the woods, they are where I feel God clearly, the desert will only remind me of him, and I long for comforting. Would he think that very weak of me? Don’t bother trying to find me as I don’t know how much longer I am to remain. Part of me hopes to see the wondrous changes as the children grow and continue this new cycle. The larger piece of me I am leaving here. How will you treat him? Each step is heavy and draws me back, back to the understanding and acceptance. Ironic that now I understand so fully his desire for death, for now he can rest no longer tormented by the calling. I do not wish to remain anymore, perhaps once I am finished writing this, I too may rest. May God have mercy on my soul, for all that was done was done in the name of his creation that man had broken in our infancy, now we walk into adolescence.



There will be others like us, and I grieve for you. The pain, suffering and confusion you will experience here as an avatar. I pray that you are able to be stronger than I, that you can step forward and fly with what you know. For there is great beauty in being made different, you of all will understand my words: they are for you. We are not done, the work will continue each generation, until we are ready to fully see and be the next stage. To that extent Darwin was right, what he did not see was the divine pushing us further and further till we can know and understand Him that is our true evolution. Already there are new prophecies, I hear in them the voice of God guiding us in our next stage. We succeeded.



I am empty, devoid of all that made me what I needed to be. I find humor in that now I am full of human emotions and desires, why allow them now when they were denied to me when I was young and able? I long for his touch, the smell he gave when he felt extreme emotion, the fierce gaze of his eyes. I miss how he understood, and I could just be. Regardless of our marks. I want what I denied myself, now it seems silly to have prevented it. However, it was necessary and does not change the intensity of the love I tried to ignore. I am rooted in darkness, now it comes to claim that which it sowed. Again my mind focuses on yin and yang. Mutually supporting and consuming. There is so much more that could have gone wrong had we walked a different path. I am left with an understanding that this will be the dawn of our greatest achievement.



When we finally step closer to God and his intent for our lives.